


i'm in love with the shape of you

by intertwiningwords



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Coming Out, Dysphoria, M/M, Trans Character, trans!michael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 04:23:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12498680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intertwiningwords/pseuds/intertwiningwords
Summary: michael isn't sure he'll ever love himself. jeremy loves him enough for the two of them.





	i'm in love with the shape of you

**Author's Note:**

> trans!michael is one of my fav headcanons ever!!  
> disclaimer: i am cis so if anything i included in here is offensive, if i used the wrong term for something or anything like that, please (respectfully) inform me and i'll edit it accordingly as that is not at all my intention!!  
> hope you enjoy!!

Michael had never liked his body. Way before he even knew he was trans, he’d just…hated it. Not even just the biological part of it all, but everything from his stomach to his thighs was ugly to him.

He was covered in birthmarks, scars, stretch marks, and so many other symbols of the fact that he’d lived. But those symbols were what made him hate it. In his eyes, they only made his skin ugly.

Jeremy on the other hand, had always loved Michael’s body. Always wishing he was as tall or as strong or had a cool scar from falling off a skateboard like Michael did.

He couldn’t understand why Michael  _ hated _ it so much. He asked him once.

“I don’t know. I just…I just do,” Michel shrugged, wrapping his arms around himself, the topic of conversation making him even more self-conscious.

Jeremy noticed this, and dropped it, but made sure to kiss him twice as hard before he went home that night.

 

*******

 

“Now that you know, I, um…I want you to help me pick my name.”

“I - uh, what?” Jeremy asked, obviously taken aback by the sudden request.

“I can’t keep going by my birth name…I hate it, but nothing I think of fits…it doesn’t feel right. I want you to help me pick it. You know me better than I know myself, anyway.”

Jeremy’s face was nothing short of a perfect deer-in-headlights expression, and he kind of looked like he was going to cry (which he prayed he wouldn’t, because then the other boy would cry too, and it would he a disaster). A pause, looking his friend up and down for a minute, before breaking into a grin. “Michael.”

“ _ Michael… _ ”

It was perfect. He pulled Jeremy into a hug, both of them inevitably shedding a tear or two, and Jeremy kept saying his new name over and over again, to get them both used to hearing and saying it.

Michael. Michael. Michael.

 

 

*******

 

“Do you know how dangerous it is to bind with that?” Jeremy asked, eyebrows furrowed in worry. After Michael had come out to him, he had done an embarrassing amount of research on the topic, wanting to be as supportive and helpful as he could.

“I only do it at school,” Michael replied, shrugging, seemingly unfazed.

“That’s still not good, Michael,” Jeremy said, frowning, “Don’t you have a sports bra or something you can wear inste-”

“They don’t work! I need something better than that, they’re too fucking  _ big _ ,” Michael snapped, before sighing. “I’m sorry, I just-”

“It’s fine,” Jeremy reassured. “Just…you’re home for the weekend now. Please just take it off?”

“Okay.”

On Monday after school, Jeremy presented him with a package.

“I didn’t want you to keep using all those unsafe methods so…” he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I got it on Amazon so I don’t know how good it is, but…”

Michael ripped it open, finding a  _ real _ binder inside, and he smiled widely and pulled Jeremy in for a hug immediately.

“You’re the best friend ever. Thank you.”

“I know I am,” Jeremy said with a grin, which only made Michael laugh and shove his shoulder lightly.

 

*******

 

“My mom thinks it’s a phase. She either thinks I’m a lesbian, but I’m not into girls so she’s way off, or she thinks I’m straight but she’s also wrong there, cause I’m a  _ guy _ who’s into  _ guys _ .”

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said. What else do you say to a situation like that? He couldn’t even begin to imagine what it felt like. So he listened instead of commenting or contributing.

Michael sighed, running his hands through his newly cut hair. “It’s fine. She’ll come around…I know she will. She just doesn’t understand…”

Jeremy wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

Michael’s mother was a sweetheart, she was just...traditional, and Jeremy knew that.

“Hey...Your mom loves you more than anything in the world. She’ll come around, I promise.”

“Thanks, Jer.”

 

*******

“Do you have a girl in here?” Mr. Heere asked, peeking through the crack in the door.

“No, dad. It’s Michael!”

“Oh, sorry Michael, I didn’t-”

“It’s fine,” Michael quickly said, offering him a small smile.

Mr. Heere cleared his throat, clearly flustered at his mistake. “Anyway, do you boys want some pizza? Or...Chinese food? Or anything?”

“No thank you, Mr. Heere,” Michael said.

“We’re good, Dad.”

“Okay. You boys have fun!”

He left, and Jeremy gave Michael an apologetic smile. “I don’t know why he asks that. I never have, and never will have a girl in my room.”

They both laughed at that.

“Besides...I think your voice is very manly,” Jeremy said, resting his head on Michael’s shoulder.

“You’re just saying that,” Michael replied, but it made him smile.

“No, I’m not!”

 

*******

 

Michael knew he was in love with Jeremy from the day they met, before he knew he was trans or he was gay. It was always there, no matter how he felt about himself, Jeremy was always there. He never understood the feeling, being confused enough about himself to bother focusing on that.

And so when Jeremy grabbed him on an impulse and kissed him, he had absolutely no complaints.

“It’s about _ time _ you fucking did that,” he said, breathless, once they’d pulled away.

Jeremy, wide-eyed and red-faced, ready to sputter out apologies, instantly relaxed at his words, his lips curling into a smile.

He couldn’t help but lean in for another kiss.

That was one more secret off his chest.

 

*******

 

“I fucking  _ hate  _ this.”

“I know. But you have chocolate, Advil, and I’m gonna distract you with video games and Netflix, okay?”

“Okay.”

Michael spent the remainder of the night curled up against Jeremy’s side, the two of them eating chocolate and watching cooking shows.

It made things bearable.

 

*******

 

“It’s too fucking  _ hot _ ,” Michael whined. Normally he wouldn’t be caught dead dressed the way he was; shorts and a sort of baggy Bob Marley t-shirt. But it was disgustingly hot out, and Jeremy was in the same state, stripped down to his boxers and a Star Wars t-shirt, his hair messy and his cheeks flushed from the heat.

“But I wanna cuddle!”

“Jeremy, we’re so sweaty we’re going to  _ stick together. _ ”

“Then you’ll always be by my side!” Jeremy grinned, wrapping his arms around Michael’s waist anyway.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad. Sure, it was hot, but cuddling with Jeremy was worth it.

“Oh, that was- That was so cheesy,” Michael said, pretending to be disgusted, but his giggling gave him away.

 

***

 

As Jeremy rested his head against his stomach, and he started tracing his fingers along the stretch marks there, gently.

A strangled noise escaped Michael’s lips as he tried to hold back his giggles at the touch. Maybe if he didn’t laugh, Jeremy would stop soon enough. But no, Jeremy knew _ exactly _ what he was doing, and kept his fingers swirling in feather-light patterns across his skin til the dam broke and Michael’s laughter came spilling out.

“Cut it out!” he cried, trying and failing to bat away Jeremy’s hands as they spidered up and down his sides.

“You’re so cute,” Jeremy said, ignoring Michael’s words and moving to squeeze at his thighs instead.

 

***

 

Jeremy picked up his phone when he saw Michael’s name (followed by the headphones emoji and a red heart emoji) on the screen. “What’s up?”

“My mom called me Michael.”

“What?”

“She introduced me to one of her coworkers as her son, Michael.”

Jeremy could hear Michael was either crying or close to it. “That’s awesome! See, I told you she’d come around!”

“Yeah...I knew she would.”

 

*******

 

Michael wasn’t sure if he would ever really love his body. He didn’t know there’d ever be a day he felt  _ fully  _ comfortable in his own skin. 

But he knew Jeremy would be there with him through every step it took him to get there, and would still support and love him no matter what. He’d proven that the first day he told him, and continued to show that every day. It was more than Michael could have ever asked for.

That was good enough to know.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed!! feedback is always welcome!!  
> tumblr: intertwiningwords


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